Mindful Communication with Digify

Last week saw the fourth and final Mindful Communication workshop with the current Digify cohort.

Digify is a talent spotting and hot-housing digital skills incubator created by Livity, supported as part of Sadiq Khan’s Digital Talent Programme and partnering with creative brands. It offers two months paid training, based upon the principles of a real agency, with real briefs, followed by a six month placement at Sky.

This is the fifth cohort of talented and creative young people that have taken part in the programme and the second that I have had the pleasure of working with. It has been fantastic to work with Livity and share a recognition of the importance of  Mindful Communication skills, and the positive benefits to both professional development and personal wellbeing that they can bring.

Running this workshop series for a second time with a group has really reaffirmed my motivation for working with mindful communication practices and with groups. The power of a group is to be able to provide each other with the basic needs of being seen, listened to and heard. It can be a powerful experience to witness through creative model building and hear through storytelling, the similarities we share, and the greater understanding we can reach through connecting at a place of meaning and values. Change starts with the self, and we can do much exploratory, personal development work ourselves, but as with everything in life, we can only do so much alone. With each other, we can find courage to share from a place of vulnerability, knowing we are safe in a non-judgemental, compassionate space.

The way we choose to communicate with ourselves, other people and the world around us directly influences the quality of our relationships, and as studies have shown, the quality of our relationships directly effects the quality of our lives.

We often take our communication ‘skills’ for granted, but there are many layers of communication, from the energetic, non-verbal, visual, felt and spoken. When we begin to see communication as a practice, with skills that we can develop, explore and have fun with, it can dramatically change the way we relate.

Perhaps one of the most significant learnings for this group was the introduction to ‘feelings’ and ‘needs’ in a nonviolent communication practice. To being able to recognise the full range of emotion that we are capable of feeling and understand that they are each an expression of a met or unmet need can provide both responsibility for our emotions and a language that can help understand our thoughts and responses in a more empowering way.

World Values Day & Values-Based Community Dialogue Resource

World Values Day takes place on October 18th and individuals, organisations and communities are invited to take part across the globe.

There are a number of ways to take part, from sharing a value and an action that you will take to live that value, to resources that provide information on hosting workshops and dialogues.

As part of my work facilitating dialogues and as a member of the UK Values Alliance I have created a downloadable resource to support communities in hosting values-based community dialogues. 

The resource is available to download from the World Values Day website, where you will find lots of other information and resources to help to be a part of and contribute to a more values-based society and world.

UK Values Alliance Dialogue - Dialogue & The World

‘Dialogue requires the principle of participation-by creating a common mind we are able to recall ways in which we are an intimate part of the world around us.’

In this third dialogue in the UK Values Alliance series we set out to explore values and how they influence our relationship with the world around us.

We chose to frame the dialogue with consideration of five core values that participants would like to see lived out in their societies. This was followed by discussion in pairs, on the values chosen, in comparison to the below 'British Values.' These five values were set out by the government in 2011 and have been promoted and embedded in British schools since November 2014. 

Source: http://vle.newbury-college.ac.uk/mod/forum/discuss.php?d=2175

What became immediately clear as we began the dialogue is that the framing exercises provoked quite different reactions in the participants; some reflecting that to just pick five values that one would like to see lived out was nonsensical as it cannot be limited to five alone; some stating that the 'British Values' were not values, but rather systems or processes; some finding familiarity in the British Values due to working with them in schools, and being able to relate their chosen values to the language of the British Values. These different and somewhat negative reactions showed us three things: one that the language hugely influences how we connect or are disconnected to ideas or messages, two: that without that connection we often stay stuck in a head-based, discussion, that inhibits our ability to listen and create meaning together by reaching a deeper level of understanding, and three: that it is not possible to impose values on others in a way that allows them to be felt and lived from a place of authenticity and personal truth. 

Removing the British Values from the focus of the discussion allowed us to progress to a deeper level of dialogue, whilst reflecting on the reactions and thinking that had arisen.

The realisation that it is not possible to impose values led to some discussion on how it is that we discover and form our values, and the dynamic nature of values; it being possible to acquire new values when influenced by new contexts or cultures, or to prioritise certain values over others depending on the situations we find ourselves in. One participant reflected on the distinction between operational values that drive day-to-day behaviour and idealistic values that might help him aspire to and become to the 'next best version of myself,' and asked how we could support the tension between 'who I am today and who I could be tomorrow.' The ability to see ourselves and our values as dynamic and evolving allows us to face challenging situations or people with compassion and create the space and conditions for change. 

This need for flow and the conditions to discover and connect with our values is an important point. Once values become institutionalised or collectively held, the danger is that they can become a rule that is rigidly held. Whilst we need support and guidance, we also need the space to take responsibility for our own values and how we live them. As one participant suggested, if we stay in a parent-child-like relationship to create our values then we risk the child-like reaction of rebellion. 

The question of how do we create the conditions for people to connect with their values and change was explored through the idea of community, family and leadership. If we agree that we cannot impose values then how can we come together to share values? It is only in coming together in situations like dialogue or meaningful interaction in other ways that this can be done, which requires the time and willing participation of individuals. If we are to aspire to any sense of community or societal values then it is important that those promoting them are also able to model this behaviour back.

The question of whether 'bad people' have values arose in the dialogue and it was suggested by some that it is not a case of judging people as 'good' or 'bad' but instead meeting them with understanding, empathy and compassion. When we become focused on the lack of values in others, we can also lose touch with our ability to respond from a place of our own personal values. If we want others to change we need to ask ourselves whether they are likely to do so when met with judgement and blame or with love and understanding. 

Values are in reality all defined by how you interact with other people and they way you behave in the world.

It is clear that when considering the relationship between values and the world there is a constant interplay between the internal and external, between the individual and the society in which they live. Often to live our values we have to overcome fears, develop strategies to get our needs met, raise our consciousness, remember that we are constantly evolving, extend the values we aspire to treat others with also to ourselves, and create humanised environments where we can align values with systems and processes in a meaningful way. Connecting with each other and our values can take us beyond polarisation, beyond judgement, to a place of common humanity. 

Identify what your individual values are, and then live them, and create the world that you want to see.

Rewilding at Knepp

This month I found some time to spend four peaceful days with Mother Nature and no technology at Knepp, one of the largest rewilding projects in lowland Europe.

Our ecosystems are broken and nature is struggling – with 56% of species in the UK in decline and 15% threatened with extinction. Biodiversity needs space to flourish.

Across Britain, many places where you would expect wildlife to thrive have been reduced to wet deserts. The seabed has been smashed and stripped of its living creatures. We’ve suffered more deforestation and lost more of our large mammals than any European country except Ireland.

We can’t build natural processes but we can help them re-assert themselves. For example, by reducing high populations of grazing animals to help natural woodlands grow. Or by reintroducing missing species to plug crucial gaps in the ecosystem. Or by letting rivers meander and follow their natural paths.

We need nature. We desperately need nature in Britain to recover

Source: www.rewildingbritain.org.uk

By far the best introduction to this inspiring project is to watch their short video that explains how they made the transition from intensive farming to extensive farming and giving their 3,500 acre estate back to nature, and in doing so, gave a gift to us all.

This was my first solo camping trip, and whilst I was at a camp site with other people, I felt in relative solitude in comparison to my normal day-to-day life. To further this feeling of solitude, I turned off my phone on arrival on Friday morning, and left it off until Monday lunchtime. Without a watch, turning my phone off also meant I disconnected from what I came to refer to as my 'time-telling device' in my journal writings. Losing this connection to time as we are accustomed to it in the modern world, was probably the most notable difference in my weekend experience. I did not miss other features of my phone: emails, calls, social media, entertainment; but it did feel strange to not know what time it was. I trusted that I could have a good guess by looking at the position of the sun, and other than that I had to settle into just 'being.' After some restlessness I began to adjust to my new way of being and started to really take notice of my surroundings and experience.

“notice (n.)
early 15c., “information, intelligence,” from Middle French notice (14c.)”

My mind is trying to tell me to do something
My body wants to be still
My energy is the go-between
The channel of confusion
Between doing and being
Being and doing
The chatter that I am trying to silence
The feelings that I am trying to let go of
Maybe I should stop trying

To stop trying
Is not to give up
Or give in
It is to flow
To attune
To notice
And know when to do
This is not the time for doing
I don't need my time telling device
To know that
Nothing is also
Everything
 

One of my favourite things about Knepp are the majestic oak trees, surveyors of the land for hundreds of years, you can feel their wisdom in their wide trunks. There are a number of viewing platforms that have been considerately built on some of these trees to give better views of the landscape. I found myself in ceremony with some of these trees; walking around them, meditating with them and feeling a sense of pain and mourning for all the destruction that they have borne witness to.

Another joy I found was the act of lighting my fire and cooking in the outdoors. It conjured up images of primitive times, and after my restless first afternoon, I found cooking my first meal grounded and settled me into my sense of place. The ritual act of lighting the fire to cook, gave a rhythm to my days that I looked forward to.
Another blissful experience was the treat of having an open-air bath! Knepp has created a little bit of rustic luxury with outdoor baths and showers, where I discovered that there is not much that can compete with lying in a warm bath on a summer's evening, looking at the blue sky, vibrant green leaves of the trees and listening to the birds sing.

This is truly an inspirational place. It has been beautifully and thoughtfully created for visitors to relax and spend a peaceful and blissful time in nature. There is a map of the estate with four walking trails that are easy to follow and take you through different areas; from the shade of woodland, to meadows, rivers and ponds, and shrubland. It is unlike any other area of nature I have seen in my own country; the wildness reminded me of other parts of the world I have visited such as Sri Lanka, where nature is allowed to run her course, and humans live more in harmony with the land. 

“Meditation with an Oak Tree

We breathe together
In a cycle of breath

We breathe together
I feel it now
The solid trunk
The rustling leaves
In a cycle of breath
Life and death

We breath together
My exhale is
Your inhale
The wind blows
And we both know
In a cycle of breath
The web of life
Weaves it’s net

We breathe together
Life giving life
The energy of creation
Is wet between my legs
Giving back to
The Earth that made me
In a cycle of breath
Brings renewal
Life and death”

“‘Connectivity’ is very important to us. Nationwide, and across Europe too, ecologists are concerned about the isolation of habitats. In order to protect biodiversity and and populations as a whole, species need to be able to move from one area to another if they are going to be able to respond to adverse factors such as pollution and climate change. ”

“The Knepp Rewilding Project aims to demonstrate how areas of high biodiversity can influence the countryside in general, stimulating species expansion and colonisation in other areas. We see Knepp as a much larger picture, where diversity hotspots can be linked with larger areas, creating what ecologists call a ‘Living Landscape.’”

“Grazing animals are the prime ‘movers’ of regeneration. The breeds of animals we have at Knepp longhorn cattle, fallow, roe and red deer, Exmoor ponies and Tamworth pigs-imitate the herbivores that would have grazed this land thousands of years ago. The various species affect the vegetation in different ways helping create a mosaic of habitats such as open grassland, regenerating scrub, open-grown trees and woodland. ”

As stated on the Rewilding Britain website, rewilding is about wildlife returning and habitats expanding; people reconnecting with the wonder of nature and communities flourishing with new opportunities. Knepp meets these three aims, and any visitor will experience the wonder of nature. I am very grateful for being able to spend time in this magical place; from the birds singing, to the majestic oak trees, ancient paths and wild animals, it was a lesson in slowing down, noticing and appreciating. 

"The sustainability of the environment we live in is the ground of our sense of worth...A psychology of liberation must also be a psychology of ecology. The environment tells the body how much our lives are valued." - Truth or Dare, Starhawk